I was doing the final semester at the Zambia Institute
of Management Studies (ZAMIM)-Chilanga Campus for the National Accounting
Technician course, my prospects looked very good and I was pretty sure I was
proceeding to the next level. I saw myself not just graduating but possibly somewhere
at the top of my class, In my mind this was definitely something that was going
to make my Father and Mother proud, as I was going to do something right in my (and
with my) life for the first time or in a
long while because I cannot recall good much before this.
Getting to this position was not so easy for me, I had
what one would term a “troublesome” filled childhood, with me mostly being at
the centre of the trouble, I really don’t know how I got so messed up ! My friendship
with drugs and alcohol started out somewhere between my fourth and fifth grade,
by the time I was coming out of Secondary school these two were my best friends
accompanied with a dictionary of insults and foul language. I do not know how I
got messed up however, I know I started making changes to my life for two
reasons, the first was for my mother.
I had not spent so much time with my mother but, every
time with my mum was awesome, she pampered me a lot and being her last-born
child, I was always a baby to her. Aside from the pampering my mother is the
kind of person that is kind-hearted, and she helped a lot of people- relatives
and strangers alike. Sometime in the last years of my secondary school life, mum
decided to go on voluntary separation after many years of service working as a
nurse for the government. By the time I was out of secondary school and even as
I write this article, her promised pay-off package was not yet paid. I detested
the condition that she was living in and this made me think of reshaping my life
so that I could now be the one to pumper her. After all there is a Bemba saying
”Mayo mpapa naine nka kupapa” which I can literally translate as “My mother
carry me now when am a child , weak and
vulnerable and I will also carry you in future when I'am grown, strong and able. The second reason was for “Love”.
For my mother I was willing to do anything, not really
what I desired or what made me happy. I enrolled for an Electrical Technician
Certificate course at the then Lusaka Trades Training Institute. This was not
really something I wanted to do but, rather something that could get me somewhere
and mostly totally different to what my older brother was doing. All my life I
had an older brother whose shadow I seemed not able to shake off and in the “life
competition“ in my head my brother was always ahead of me, scoring points and
getting the applauds. Being away in boarding school helped to shake off the
shadow for a bit, that side I had a name of my own, but back home, I wonder if
people even knew me. I was mostly referred to as the younger brother to my
famous older brother. He had taken up my father’s career path which is sort of
what I had wanted to do as well.
On my path to recreation and reformation I met this girl
that made me want to become a better version of me, even before I could ask her
out or confess how much I was love struck. Its not about what she said or did,
but it was “love” inside of me talking, this was the first time anything other
than drugs and alcohol communicated something strong in my heard. Just like that,
I made the switch, went home, and told my sister I was quitting the electrical
technician certificate course. After some consultation I enrolled in the same course
my brother was pursuing.
Now back to where we started. On a certain evening I got
home from college, prepared supper and was eager to share with Dad and my brother
that I had a good day at school, I had scored well in a test and was definitely
going to ace the exams in June. A rare thing happened that day, Dad and my
brother arrived home at the same time, they had their meal and the next bit of events
was shocking and paralysing. I was informed we were going to spend a night at our
eldest sister’s place, my mother had died. Just like that!! Even though my
mother had an asthmatic condition, this time there was no news of her being ill
at home or admitted in hospital. She had died during the day, while I was at school,
even though I may not have done anything to change the situation, I was not told
until late in the evening. Three days later, I saw my mum laying lifeless in a
coffin and with that a lot of things in my life lost life. I did not graduate
at the end of that semester; it took two more examination sittings for me to
clear what seemed like easy courses at the time and I sprung back to my friend
alcohol.
In most religious teachings, there is a promised life
after death. Hindus accept reincarnation – the belief that, after death, the
atman (soul) of a person passes into a new body and life. This new life depends
on how the person lived their previous life. Hindus believe in karma, which is
the sum of the good and bad actions taken. Good karma helps with a better
rebirth. Muslims believe life is God's gift, it is not given by man. Believing
in an afterlife is one of the six articles of faith in Islam. Yet, the abode of
the deceased is up to debate. They may either be in heaven/hell, in an
intermediary state, or "sleep" until a great resurrection. The
Catholic church conception of the afterlife, the view which most Christians hold,
teaches that after the body dies, the soul is judged, the righteous and free of
sin enter Heaven. However, those who die in unrepented mortal sin go to hell.
Seventh-day Adventist beliefs about death are
different from most Christian churches. Adventists do not believe that people
go to Heaven or Hell when they die. They believe that the dead remain unconscious
until the return of Christ in judgement. After which there is a separation between
the good and the bad, the unrepentant bad are killed in hell fire, while the
repentant good are rewarded with eternal life. Most atheists are very death
positive and see death as a natural part of life. It is not always something
that deserves any great fanfare, and there are usually no religious or
spiritual beliefs around the passing of life. At the end of one’s life, most
people believe that you cease to exist.
Regardless of your belief, the fact that we can all agree
is that death is real, the dead are not so much affected by it, as it is either
the decisions they made before they died or the decisions made by those still
with life, that will dictate even how
they will be disposed (buried, cremated etc). The other thing we can agree on
is that our Life, plans, and actions are not entirely dependent on factors that
we can control.
In life one needs to understand that the existence of
these non-controllable factors should not and does not negate your aspirations
to get that which you want or desire. The very existence of these factor should
drive you to enjoy and live life of the highest quality. My mother’s untimely
death was one such thing, I can no longer have the life I envisioned to have
with her. I thank her for the wonderful times she gave me because that is all I
can have, I have learned to live life in the moment. To have fun and enjoy
the bits of it that I can, each time I play and laugh with my kids I have it all. Now, it is one thing knowing that non-controllable factors that may impact
negatively on your career, business, life exist, and it is another thing adapting
to life after you have been struck by calamity or disaster.
If you search the internet, you will get a lot of suggestions
on dealing with calamity or disaster. Dealing with disaster and calamity is not
something that can be scripted and does not have a template from which one can
easily copy and paste. For me, it is a time to reflect, readjust and reposition oneself, to see what works for you. Ultimately, the hard Job is to get the clouds to clear
so that you can have clear sight of how you want to live your life, manage your
career, run your business, manage your relationship(s) regardless of what has
happened in the past. While it is true that passed decisions have an influence
or effect on our current situation, our future is entirely dependant on the
decisions we make now. I once read a statement that I forever treasure. “Man is
not a creature of circumstances, but rather circumstances are creatures of men”
- Benjamin Disraeli. We cannot blame a disaster that happened in our life
for our future failures, we need to be able to create conditions that will
enhance the quality of our life despite the current or past challenges. Today,
many of us might be blaming Covid-19 for a lot of things right now. It is true
Covid-19 has happened and has had a lot of negative effects on the World’s and National
economies, it has negatively affected Multinational organisations and SME’s have
not been spared, individuals and family units have their own tales.
I cannot spell out the opportunities that lie in the current
or past unforeseen uncontrollable events that occurred in your life, I can only
encourage you to take a deep look and begin to pursue. If you are still
breathing Life is worth living and living at a higher level.
Remember to give feedback and comments in the comments
section.